A "Cake" Holiday Gift Guide
It isn't cake, but it is!
If there’s one thing I want for the holidays this year, it’s cake. But not actually cake, just things that look like cake. In all the gift guides flooding our feeds and filling our inboxes, no one is attending to those of us who appreciate the ✨aesthetic✨ of cake. So I’m here to remedy that oversight (and maybe offer a few scholarly reflections on the meaning of things-that-look-like-cake-but-aren’t-cake material culture along the way). And there’s a piece of “cake” for everyone on your list including:
The one who doesn’t like overhead lighting: Pretty Shitty Cakes UO Exclusive Cake Table Lamp
A statement piece to be sure, this cake will light up their room and remind them of you each time they turn it on. Moreover, it will confuse anyone who visits as they’ll believe they’re about to be served a big slice of cake, but no, just some good, ambient light.
The one who likes to partake: Fake Cakery 4-Layer Cake Grinder
Love the play on layers here. Just make sure they know it’s not edible. Note: this one is sold out, but there’s lots of other flavors still available, I just needed this one to make a material culture point.
The one who likes to accessorize: Jenny Lemons Cake Slice Hair Claw
I hope you can tell by now that most of these fake-cake objects utilize a similar color scheme—red, white, and pink—and all rely on a layer-cake structure. This one even resembles the cake slice emoji (🍰). You might not have noticed, but your cake-loving friends sure have.
The one who likes to get dressed: Lisa Says Gah! “Dana” Long Sleeve Tee
Simple and festive. Perfect for all cake-friendly occasions, which IMO should be all occasions.
The one who likes to customize: The Gemini Bakes Horoscope Cake Stickers (and Frosting Washi Tape and Magnets and more!)
Disclaimer: I buy everything The Gemini Bakes makes. I’m obsessed with her work and think you and your cake loving friends should be, too. The sticker/magnet/keychain options feature an homage to a vintage cake series from the 1972 Wilton Cake Yearbook, so there’s some bonus food history involved.
The one who likes to have their cake and drink it, too: Packed Party Piece of Cake Sipper Set
Bonus: if your cake-lover likes to line up flights of little beverages, they can fill up each slice with a different sip! Or, you know, share with friends and family, I guess.
The one who likes to nap: UO Cake Tufted Throw Pillow
Literal sweet dreams with a slight variation on the standard pink-red-and-white combination. A design so recognizable we can put it on an oddly shaped pillow and still accept and understand it’s cake. The human brain is delightful.
The one who likes to deck the halls with buttercream: JoAnn’s 3" Christmas Treat Yourself Cake Glass Ornament
So much happening here. We’ve swapped in a sheetcake (probably still layered since it’s on a scalloped cakeboard) and those buttercream roses are giving grocery store bakery vibes. We’ve got a throwback phrase to an early 21st-century sitcom. I can’t wait for future generations to unpack this one.
Pairs well with:
And if all these not-cake options won’t work, there’s always real-cake or the tools with which to make real-cake. I’d recommend a good bag of flour and a copy of Natasha Pickowicz More Than Cake: 100 Baking Recipes Built for Pleasure and Community, and lots of them are cake.
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